Being a Mom

http://thismommasramblings.blogspot.com/2013/02/being-mom.html

Being A Mom...

Means everything in the world to me. I always knew growing up that I wanted to be a mom, and I knew that I wanted at least a boy and a girl. I am happy to say that I have really been thrice blessed with two boys and a girl. I also knew that I wanted things to be different for my kids than it was for me as a kid. Not that I really had a bad childhood, I think I would have classified it as more of a lonely and lost childhood. Here is where I start at the beginning.

My parents marriage had been a second marriage for each of them, and I ended up being the baby of five. I have three siblings from my dad's first marriage and one from my mom's first marriage with huge age differences. The oldest of the siblings was fourteen years older and the youngest was six years older than me, so in many ways I was some what of an only child. Most of the family really didn't think that my parents needed to have any more kids; they had enough already, but they had me any way. Unfortunately it was quite a dysfunctional marriage, since my dad was not a very nice alcoholic, and they divorced when I was five.

I was very like my dad's side of the family, which of course was not a good thing, at least as far as some of mom's side thought. I heard so many times that I was just like my dad, always said in a negative tone, while growing up. I also always got compared to my older brother, who of course was not perfect, as no one is. This always left me feeling very lonely and in many ways unloved. No matter how good my grades were, or what I did, I was just not good enough. Now as an adult I know that all of the characteristics that they didn't like about me allowed me to grow into the strong woman that I am today. Now I won't deny that I could be a huge spoiled brat as a kid, but in some ways I think that I was searching for some kind of boundaries, but they never came, so I ran a bit wild in my teenage years. Not that I was ever in any kind of trouble or anything, but I did drink, and stay out late, and basically just did what I wanted. I suppose a lot of my problem was a lack of respect for my mom. All of that being said, I came to several realizations that I would carry over to being a mom myself. I swore that my kids would never treat me the way I treated my mom.

When I had D-man, being a new mom, I guess you could say that I was fairly strict. I am a firm believer in spankings, and since he is so like me, he sure got a few of them. Now don't get me wrong, I never did believe that a spanking required any more than a hand to the tush, I don't like belts or paddles or anything of the sort, but I do believe in discipline. I have sort of mellowed as I have gotten older and with each subsequent lil one. But first and foremost I definitely demand respect from my kids. When D-man was three his dad and I separated, and I refused to be one of those mom's you see on "Maury" who is afraid of their kids, because I knew he would end up being a big kid, much bigger than me and I was right, at nineteen he is six foot tall and 200 pounds, a very solid boy, and I am still only five foot one.

Many of my philosophies to being a mom not only stemmed from growing up, but also a lot of common sense. As I stated I believe in spanking, when warranted, but I also believe communication in extremely important. I also thoroughly believe in unconditional love as a parent. My only job is really to guide them with love, support, and guidance. I may not always like the things they do, but I love them with all of my heart. When the kids do things that they shouldn't I try to talk to them, and if it requires a more strict discipline, such as a hand to the tush, they still get talked to before and after. Then no matter what they have done I always tell them that I love them and give them hugs and kisses, which may sound weird, but I always wanted them to know no matter what that I love them. I always set aside time for them to let them know that they are more important to me than the air I breathe.

I can't say that I have always done everything right, but, I am proud to say that all three of my angels treat me and others with the respect that they have been taught. When D-man was about fourteen or fifteen he came out of the closet and told me that he was gay. In the beginning it was a bit of a tough pill to swallow, but, he was my child and I would never turn my back on that, and so I wrapped my head around and embraced my son. Now as lil man grows up, at thirteen he will come out of his room just to say, "I love you Momma", and he will still give me a hug and kiss in public without a care of who is around. Lil Miss is much the same, at ten, she doesn't want to grow up, because she wants to always stay mommy's lil girl, which of course she will always be, even when she's sixty. LOL!

I will never be rich or famous, but they are the legacy that I leave behind. I have tried to raise them to treat all others with kindness and care. To never bully or make fun of others. To work hard. To have respect not only for others in this world, but for themselves as well. Thankfully I can say, that I think I am accomplishing this, in today's crazy world, that is an accomplishment. I see the way other kids act and I wonder where this world will end up. But I suppose the funniest of all is the fact that even my kids see how others act and they generally turn and look at me with eyes wide and say..."Mom, you would kick our butts if we acted like that." To which I generally laugh and say, "You're right, I would." I am proud to be their mom, and I wouldn't trade my babies for anything in this world. They know no matter what that I have their backs and will always be their loudest cheerleader. I know that I have been blessed to be allowed to be their mom, they are the greatest gift I have ever been blessed with.

Many blessings and thanks to all who pause a moment to read. I welcome any and all comments.