Throughout my four and half year journey in motherhood I have concluded that my multitasking abilities are an absolute failure at times. Sometimes I am just flat out not good at this motherhood multitasking thing. At times I think am I supposed to be doing this as a flawless and graceful balancing act because that’s sure the heck what it looks like everyone else is doing on facebook half the time. They look like the graceful trapeze artist on the high wire and I feel like the goofy clown juggling too many balls in the air at my three ring circus which has become known as the A & N show.
I am a confessed multi tasking mom failure here. I am an unprofessional dishwasher with years of experience in hand washing dishes. Not only have I not sucked it up these last seven years and bought a modern day appliance, but I have succeeded not once, not twice, but three times in flooding not only my kitchen but my basement with how much time passed in my mommy brain before I realized I left the water running. Laundry is my worst enemy. It wins the battle every week. I can wash them and fold them but I just can’t get myself to put them away. They take up permanent residence in the laundry basket. I went out and bought another laundry basket to hold my clean clothes rather than put them away. I am the most unfocused cooker ever. I have burnt frozen pizza, I have eaten undercooked pizza. Yes, that is very possible. My family has eaten spaghetti noodles so overcooked they literally melt in your mouth, and if you have ever had mushy, fall apart overcooked noodles you will know it is not something you want to melt in your mouth. They have also eaten spaghetti noodles that crunch-yes, crunch- when you eat them. That’s frozen pizza and boiling noodles in water so you can only imagine what my family suffers if I try anything more complex. I feel like my brain is on constant overload or overheat mode. There is always so many things going on around me I cannot focus or keep track of things.
I have misplaced my kids- a few times. Luckily not long enough yet for me to call the police or start praying, but I have found them on top of a library display case, crying on the footstep of the front door, playing in the toilet, running outside naked, and really the list may be too long to write on here.
I’m a working mom. When I’m at work sometimes I miss my kids and wish I was at home. Sometimes when I get home I wish I would have stayed at work longer. I’m all excited to see them but some days after I smother them in kisses, I wish they would go somewhere so I can just face plant in the couch for an hour of quiet me time. I let my four year play mommy probably way more than I should. She gets them their food and drinks sometimes, and she’s even changed her baby sister’s diaper way too many times. It might be a close race between her and her dad.
Motherhood sex is sometimes a multitasking adventure in itself, especially if the kids are nearby and you’re trying to be sneaky. Then there’s the whole “relations” failure issue. When the kid walks in or wants to sleep between you or the good question we all dread answering, “what are you doing, mommy and daddy?” Hmm, talk about some fast scrambling and thinking.
Then there’s the whole task of taking care of me after I’ve taken care of the house, the kids, and the husband. Over time I’ve just accepted that bringing sexy back is buried somewhere in the bottom of my underwear drawer where I replaced sexy girl panties with granny panties, and those granny panties at times have come an awful reminder of how little time I put into myself anymore. I’m just excited to shower alone most days.
I’ve just come to accept this balancing act of motherhood is just going to be a three ring circus. I’m not going to excel at everything, and I’ll probably be lucky if I excel at one thing each day. I am not the graceful trapeze artist; I am the goofy clown. Most days my only goal is to survive because really not burning down my house, losing a kid, or getting caught in the “act” is an accomplishment to be proud of in my circus show.
Come visit me at Time with A & N to learn about my crazy journey in this thing they call parenthood. Be sure to check out the popular post to get more laughs.