Mommies: As Elite as the CIA...well, almost!
Keep an eye out. These women have been pushed to the brink by listening to hours of non-stop whining and bickering. They are loose within all communities and should be considered highly irritable and strictly unopposed to making a public scene if warranted. Their time spent surrounded by crazy children has caused their senses to become freakishly fine-tuned. They are capable of skillful negotiation, ridiculous time management, covert operations, navigating multiple dangerous situations at a time and overcome even the most intense interrogation by small renegades.
The Mommies are easily spotted by several general characteristics:
Distinct Facial Features Include:
Fatigued eyes: Aka dark circles and/or bags from years of interrupted sleep. No amount of makeup will cover these.
Hair: Hopefully brushed depending on how the day is going. Possibly containing some sticky clump of slobber or food that was put there by a child.
Teeth: Same as above minus the sticky clump.
Shirts: Stained with slobber, snot, spit-up, chewed up food, juice and whatever other particles were left over from meals. Most often the stains are located on both shoulders and occasionally along the sleeves.
Pants/shorts: Possibly wrinkled as she was unable to fold her own laundry because of the massive pile of her children’s clothes she needed to attend to (oh yes, and maybe her husband’s too). Will also be stained with some kind of food and/or slobber.
Shoes: Possibly matching, most likely untied.
When in Public:
Mommies are rarely spotted alone. They will be followed by a gang of tiny renegades. Most likely these miniature renegades will be crying, biting, whining, giggling or squirming on the floor.
Transportation: A van/SUV. Distinct features of vehicle are car seats, toys, crumbs on floor, stickers on windows, slobber on windows (we hate to think of how it got there), and smeary renegade size handprints on windows. When driving mommies will be either frowning or yelling into the backseat of tiny renegades.
Mommies Are Always Packing:
Inventory: Fruit snacks, juice, sippy cups, bottles, diapers, wipes, tissues, crackers, pacifiers, small toys and candy (for the really feisty renegades).
Proceed with caution. These women may appear to be oddly dirty, fatigued and cranky but are highly tuned beings. DO NOT MESS WITH THEM!!