Mommy Time

8Oct2013

Mommy Time

by Kiera Kelly at http://thebrokemom.com

Sixteen months into my adventures as a mother I still haven’t figured out how to have any real time to myself. I’m exhausted, and constantly fantasize about lying on my couch in an empty house and reading or watching a movie for 2-3 uninterrupted hours. Sometimes, with a bowl of macaroni n’ cheese or a brownie sundae; always, I’m alone. There have been a few times here and there that my husband will take my son out to the library or for a walk, but every time as soon as I finish the chores around the house, those few things that I need to take care of right at that moment, that just can’t wait; I lie on the couch and put my head down and then I hear them pull into the driveway. It works every time.

My husband and I definitely have taken on co-parenting. It’s not something that we really have talked about, or made a conscious decision to do. We spend every waking moment with our little guy and enjoy doing it. I feel guilty about saying this, but the older he gets the more I realize we both don’t have to be with him for every bath and each and every time he goes down for a nap or for bed.

I think I have a little tiny bit of a guilt complex. I run around at mach speed all day. I clean the house, make food for everyone, work and try to spend as much quality time with my son as possible. I could easily ask my husband for the time once a week to lie on the couch, but I feel bad doing it. I see so many moms who seem perfect and like they have it all together and want to be like that. I want to see all my sons’ firsts and not miss a moment, but I’m getting very run down and burnt out.

With each passing day, I realize that it’s OK to take time for myself. I spend more time away; in the other room while my husband gets my son ready for bed. A little more time running errands and catching up with friends on the phone. I’m still waiting for uninterrupted time on the couch, but I think that soon I will finally be ready to ask for that time without feeling like a dead-beat mom. Because I know deep down that if that’s what I need, that’s really what my son needs too.